I found my happiness

I'm at the point in my life where I should be happy, where I should be looking at everyday like they're all a blessing. Yet I'm sitting here lost and under the weather... Why?... I have a small yet amazing group of friends that I can trust and go to for almost anything, I'm attending my dream school, and I have a family that can support and guide me to achieve my goals. So yeah, I'm borderline lucky but until today, I haven't understood why I've been so down lately. I've been faced with this problem for over a year now and I finally figured out the cause. I'm the type of person that will give almost anyone the benefit of the doubt and believes in second chances. I try to lend a helping hand whenever possible because seeing others happy is, in the end, what makes me smile. These are the qualities that I cherish the most about myself. I'm pretty sure the majority of people that read that will label them as my weaknesses as well, but you know what, not many people can take their weaknesses and turn them into building blocks like I can. Until today I didn't understand why I was not happy with my life and why thinking about the future and life I planned out for myself only gave me short lived moments of joy. Until today, I was living those dreams and aspirations for myself. I planned out everything in life, for myself. Everything I lived for was for me, myself, and I... I didn't realize that being selfish with my dreams, my goals, and my future was the root of the problem. Spending some time to reflect on my best qualities have made me realized that I can't live for myself, I need to live for others as well. My heart belongs to many. Yes, this does make me vulnerable but I assure those who care that I have a tough shell. But like many tough exteriors, I do have my weak points. Let's say through this new view on life, my shell were to crack or my kindness were to be taken advantage of, what would I do then? I know a lot of people in my life would ask me that, so I had to ask myself first. Well, I like to know that what I'm doing in my life right now and for the future will be able to change at least one person's life, and hopefully for the best. I put myself out there for others because I want to change lives, I want to let people know that there is someone out there that wants to make them smile,  and that wishes the best for them. If in the end, I lay out my heart to someone and they decide to unreasonably stab it then I will go home knowing I did what I could for them, they took what they wanted from it, and karma will do the rest. Life has a funny way of fixing the wrongs and rewarding the rights. My shell will be damaged and if broken, all I can do is pick up the pieces, assess the damage, and rebuild. And each time I rebuild my shell, yes it will be stronger but never invincible. I can't hide nor suppress who I really am and what I love to do. No matter the thickness of my shell or how cold my heart may turn, I will never be happy unless I have to ability to make others happy as well. My shell will always have weak spots because I am only human.